Whilst correct communication (timing/content/format) can be a strong asset in establishing a positive working climate and great partnerships across functions and hierarchical levels, the lack of communication or non-adapted communication can lead to frustration, disconnect or resistance.
Post mortems of projects, transformation journeys, (professional) relationships and even negotiations confirmed that communication had been a critical element in obtaining the engagement and buy-in of stakeholders. The more impactful the change, the more critical communication became. And communication does not suddenly arise as an attention point at the beginning of a project, it is an ongoing process within relations and organizations and the foundation for day-to-day collaboration and trust.
It goes without saying that I had my fair share of failures and, although being aware of some of my personal pitfalls, effective communication remains a challenge and an everlasting attention point.
I don’t’ have the ambition to lecture this audience on communication. There are hundreds of good books and gifted speakers covering this vast topic. I just want to share some of basic rules that I personally try to apply, more specifically some of the DO’s I try to integrate in my day-to-day occupations but also some of the WATCH OUTS I personally try to be mindful of. They might be a small useful reminder or make you smile thinking about your own successful and less successful experiences.
Some of the DO’s:
1. Political Savvy in the largest sense
A comment made by one of my first managers in a competency assessment I went through in the early stages of my career was: “is too honest”. I did not understand at that stage – and was even very vexed – since I was convinced honesty was a trait that could never be overused. It took me a few years to understand that he probably meant that I lacked some political savvy and it took even more years to acknowledge that although it felt good to be brutally honest – and my behavior was regularly encouraged by peers happy for me to be the one speaking up – it did not always serve the objective I was trying to reach and in some occasions created a first impression that was difficult or even impossible to correct afterwards and even damaged relationships without me noticing.
2.The “Why”: What’s in it for me – Intention versus perception
When preparing a communication plan, be mindful on what is exactly the objective you want to achieve and how your message will impact your different stakeholders.
Ingoing position is that most of the people feel in more or less degree a resistance in a change when it impacts them personally. Make sure you can clearly identify the “Why” that justifies a change and take into account that the Why can be different for different people. Wrongly assuming that the why for a request or a change that was obvious for me was also clear for my counterparts is something that happened to me more than once. This sometimes created frustration or even some (passive) resistance I was not aware off.
In case of impactful changes, having an appealing story or a burning platform is instrumental.
And let’s not forget that if there is a disconnect between intention and perception, perception always prevails. Whenever you notice that a message was perceived differently than you had intended it, don’t try to argue that the problem was with the receiver; just ensure you correct your approach.
3. Empathy
What I learned over time is that showing and acknowledging emotions when bringing or receiving difficult messages is highly appreciated by the counterparts you interact with. Recognizing that bad news (ex. collective or individual job loss) is bad news, is much stronger than trying to justify the decision in multiple ways. Asking yourself the question “how would I feel if I was the receiver” before bringing impactful messages will not always provide you full insights on how a message will land but at least it will ensure you pause on the potential impact and can anticipate some reactions. Once the rationale is delivered, it’s extremely important to pause and provide counterparts the space to react on it. Tears or periods of silence can be very uncomfortable but often are healthy coping mechanisms.
4.Authenticity
Working with all kind of stakeholders, going from the operators on the shopfloor up to the C-level in international organizations’ confirmed to me that being authentic is appreciated by most of . Being true to who you are, speaking up in a constructive way at the right moment in the appropriate forum, is most of the time appreciated. Not to be misunderstood is of course that once decisions have been taken at a higher level in the organization, it is our responsibility as leaders to support and implement them to the best of our ability.
Some of the WATCH OUTS:
1. You never can undo a first impression
Next to what I stated before on the risks of being brutally honest at all times, there is of course the famous first impression that is made in the first seconds we meet somebody new. And yes, most of us are/can be very mindful in a first contact that we deem important. What we sometimes overlook is that first impressions are often made at moments we are not consciously thinking about it. And first impressions are not only made by formal verbal or written communication but very often in what people see us doing or even purely based on what they have heard about us. It’s not bad to have the “big brother is watching” you somewhere in the back of your mind at all times.
2. Be mindful of your body language
It’s kicking in an open door and there is no need for further elaboration. I only briefly touch the point because this is potentially not only one of my pitfalls.
3. Play the ball, never the player
As heated as discussions can become and as different point of views, convictions or values can be, one should always focus on the facts or task at hand and avoid attacking the person involved personally. This sounds very obvious but when convictions or values are at stake, we often have the idea that we are right, meaning that counterparts thinking differently, by² default are wrong. If you realize having played the person, best is to excuse yourself as quickly as possible. Don’t try to justify yourself because you might even do more harm.
4. Don’t communicate when you’re angry
This is a golden rule I always try to respect in written communication and it has safeguarded some of my professional relationships over the years. Not pushing the “send” button of your e-mail is a reflex you can quite easily train yourself on. It’s of course a totally different ball game when you are in the middle of a discussion, being it professional or private. Pausing a discussion and resuming it after a short reflection moment has worked well for me so far. I only wish I could do it consistently.
5. Don’t listen to reply, but to understand
Communication is as much about listening, as it is about acting, speaking or writing.
Let me end with the greatest pitfall of all: we to often don’t listen to understand but rather listen to reply. How often did I realize only after a while that taking into account different views on a situation would have led to a better judgement or outcome than the one I obtained acting on my own.
The good news is, most of the time we get second chances to do better as long as we are up for it.
